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TEENS IS DUMB
[Things have been getting progressively more rotten since the island fiasco. Most recently, of course, was probably the worst of it that Lars has endured yet. Last month was the last time Sadie stayed at his place, and it was decidedly the least successful—and in other ways, most successful—time had with her yet.
It seemed like things were going to get better, until absolutely fucking nothing made any sense and then everything was worse than before. And now they really weren't friends—they couldn't be, objectively, is what Lars has decided is Sadie's conclusion.
In any case, work has been awful. For the first week after the blizzard, Lars could barely handle looking at Sadie; his chest constantly ached and his heart raced. His stomach was often upset. He was never someone who handled this kind of stress well, and he had no one to really talk to about what was going on—and even if he did, he would be extremely reluctant at best to share it. The result, of course, is that Lars has been extra unpleasant—he's back to unapologetic tardiness; he's extra rude with the customers; he bristles obnoxiously when Ronaldo comes around, or if he thinks he and Sadie are texting; he takes more breaks than usual, and for longer amounts of time.
And tonight, he got in a fight with his mom. She would never do anything like throw Lars out, but he kinda threw himself out until it's late enough that she won't hear him come back. He'd been so useless at home—moreso than usual, than she kind of crawled up his ass about it. And she'd also found a carton of cigarettes, which she didn't take very well. Smoking was kind of an impulsive, stupid decision and a last-ditch effort for a coping mechanism in the face of all the hurt he didn't know what to do with. Even if he kind of dug the romance of self destruction, being a stupid tryhard of a teenaged boy, he was also a little embarrassed about this new habit. It was somewhat low-key, because he knew it was stupid.
Lars taps said carton against the rock he perches on, staring with a glum lack of enthusiasm at the way the sun sets over the ocean. Beautiful, objectively speaking, but Lars can't bother to care. As music blares with obnoxious loudness into his ears from his headphones, Lars's eyes dip to his hands, which shield his lighter as he ignites his cigarette.
He could be doing anything else, but Lars feels he doesn't have anyone to spend time with. His negativity has been clashing with the vibes of Jenny & co; Dewey has a vague idea of what's going on with Lars, but they're overall taking the "healing with distance" approach with him. They aren't very close, after all. He's not really a part of their inner circle.]
It seemed like things were going to get better, until absolutely fucking nothing made any sense and then everything was worse than before. And now they really weren't friends—they couldn't be, objectively, is what Lars has decided is Sadie's conclusion.
In any case, work has been awful. For the first week after the blizzard, Lars could barely handle looking at Sadie; his chest constantly ached and his heart raced. His stomach was often upset. He was never someone who handled this kind of stress well, and he had no one to really talk to about what was going on—and even if he did, he would be extremely reluctant at best to share it. The result, of course, is that Lars has been extra unpleasant—he's back to unapologetic tardiness; he's extra rude with the customers; he bristles obnoxiously when Ronaldo comes around, or if he thinks he and Sadie are texting; he takes more breaks than usual, and for longer amounts of time.
And tonight, he got in a fight with his mom. She would never do anything like throw Lars out, but he kinda threw himself out until it's late enough that she won't hear him come back. He'd been so useless at home—moreso than usual, than she kind of crawled up his ass about it. And she'd also found a carton of cigarettes, which she didn't take very well. Smoking was kind of an impulsive, stupid decision and a last-ditch effort for a coping mechanism in the face of all the hurt he didn't know what to do with. Even if he kind of dug the romance of self destruction, being a stupid tryhard of a teenaged boy, he was also a little embarrassed about this new habit. It was somewhat low-key, because he knew it was stupid.
Lars taps said carton against the rock he perches on, staring with a glum lack of enthusiasm at the way the sun sets over the ocean. Beautiful, objectively speaking, but Lars can't bother to care. As music blares with obnoxious loudness into his ears from his headphones, Lars's eyes dip to his hands, which shield his lighter as he ignites his cigarette.
He could be doing anything else, but Lars feels he doesn't have anyone to spend time with. His negativity has been clashing with the vibes of Jenny & co; Dewey has a vague idea of what's going on with Lars, but they're overall taking the "healing with distance" approach with him. They aren't very close, after all. He's not really a part of their inner circle.]
lars what were u even doing there...
I guess... I'm trying to help him make some more friends.
[ she's trying to be encouraging. to help him grow, etc etc, because part of sadie will apparently always think it's her obligation to help fix people. ]
But- you probably don't really care about any of this, huh.
who even knows
Yeah. I don't really care about him.
[Lars puts his chin on his knees, looking back at the ocean. Despite hurt, awkward feelings in general about Ronaldo, coupled with jealousy, Lars does think Ronaldo needs friends, but he won't say as much. He's quiet for a bit. Lars finds that he can't look at Sadie as new thoughts roll into his head.]
What're you gonna do if you can't help him?
[What is she invested in? Who he is, or who he'd be better off being? This question probably isn't actually about Ronaldo...]
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sadie looks down at her phone again, before she slowly picks it up, flipping the face back to her. she doesn't quite unlock it yet, though. ]
... I don't know. Be there for him however I can, I guess.
[ she also has the uncomfortable, prickly feeling that she isn't talking about ronaldo anymore. ]
Everyone deserves at least one shot, right? And as long as he's trying. Helping himself, too... I really don't know, Lars. That's a hard question to ask. [ she finally opens her phone to her text messages, wincing a little when she does. ] Because who even knows if I'm any good for him? Maybe I'll end up pushing him in the wrong direction. People are just... hard, sometimes.
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...Yeah.
—No, you know what, people are always hard. I hate people.
[Lars tilts his head against his knees again, kind of angrily squishing his cheek. He's only half serious... He loves (some) people, he just sucks at getting close to them.]
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People are... really, really difficult.
[ she hesitates, before reaching out, sort of ghosting her fingers against his wrist. she's just trying to make sure she has his attention. ]
But they're worth it. Honest. I've never regretted any friendship I've ever had.
[ and still so weird - she doesn't know what tense she should be speaking in. present? past? she doesn't do well with vague dancing-around-the-real-topic stuff. ]
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Yeah, well. We're different people.
[It's not that Sadie's doing anything wrong—Lars is just kind of guarded. Not wanting to snub Sadie, especially when he's honestly been feeling desperate inside for some iota of closeness to anyone, he puts his hand on hers—but he doesn't look at her. He gives her an affectionate, affirming little rub, and then puts that arm back around his bony legs.]
You've just got a real good disposition.
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has lars always looked this lonely? did it take stepping back and taking space to actually see it? or is this just a recent development?
she pulls her own hand back, idly considering her own fingers. ]
Yeah, we are... but it takes all kinds, you know? The world'd be pretty boring if we were all too much alike. [ she gives him another little nudge, desperate to get him to unwind slightly. ] Maybe some people like you when you're a sourpuss.
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He thinks about what she says, though—because Lars doesn't think that's necessarily true. For someone who's so lonely and insecure, Lars doesn't do a lot to make his personality inviting or endearing—all he relies on his humor and his image to get people to like him, which, surprise, hasn't gotten him very far. But it's easier to be prickly than to be...
Well, like Sadie.
Lars gives a weak shrug, not sure if he agrees. But he smiles. He kind of hates that she's so good at this, because it just makes his ache go deeper.]
Yeah? Well... Be sure to point them out to me.
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[ she's... relieved when he doesn't escalate. not that a selfish part of her doesn't want him to: even after a month with minimal non-work contact, she still wants him. wants him to be okay, wants him to be happy, wants him to want her. but they're not at a point right now where that could ever work, and so when he doesn't reciprocate, doesn't escalate - maybe it means something good.
(or it could mean something bad, mean something terrible - she just isn't going to dwell on that for now.) ]
Hey... are you hungry? Have you eaten dinner? I'll buy you a slice of pizza if you want to get off the beach. Getting pretty chilly without the sunshine.
[ it's just a friendly offer, and it's definitely a tentative one. but maybe they can try to be friends without it being weird. wouldn't that be awesome? ]
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Lars glances off to the side, furrowing his eyebrows as he seems to contemplate her offer.
The distance between them has been unbearable, and Lars has been doing a good job of inadvertently isolating himself from everyone else, prone as he is to lashing out when he's hurting. So her offer is welcome, but too welcome—Lars can tell from how his heartbeat begins to speed up. Of course he knows it's a totally platonic invite, and Sadie's just—ugh, what, concerned? Damn it—but he can't help how he reacts.
It'd probably be better to turn her down, but Lars can't think of why specifically. And he also misses Sadie... But even friendly interactions feel like a path to ruin. It sucks.
He's been so worked up he hasn't had a decent appetite. Smoking doesn't help. But.]
Yeah, it's cold. Guess I'm a little hungry.
[As if he could turn her down when he's been wanting her so bad. Lars feels embarrassingly weak for her.]
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[ sadie can't help the relief and almost gratitude that tint her tone, and she tries to reel it back a little when she hears it in herself. whoops: don't seem so excited, try not to freak him out. honestly, she's growing more and more concerned about him. he really, really doesn't seem okay right now, and maybe she can't fix him, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't try to at least be there for him sometimes.
and if that time isn't "when she catches him alone at sunset smoking on the beach," she isn't sure when it would be.
her phone buzzes one final time (from her cousin this time, not ronaldo), but she still pockets it without looking at it, and nods away from the beach. ]
Lead the way? We can warm up and eat at the same time.
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[Lars would have to work harder to downplay his enthusiasm if he wasn't tired and irritated. But despite how he seems, he's not ungrateful—he stands up, brushing off his butt. He pauses mid butt-pat, looking down at Sadie in an afterthought.]
I don't wanna be like—keeping you, though...
[Lars appreciates and wants the company, but if this is happening strictly out of pity, or whatever—then that might suck, especially if as far as she's concerned, she's got better shit to do. But that's definitely his extra-sensitive (as of late) insecurities.]
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[ he brushes his off and sadie sort of glances over her own shoulder, trying to brush off any sand that may have come with her as surreptitiously as human possible. his question is sweet, though - or at least that's how she's taking it. as consideration instead of insecurity.
so she just shakes her head at him and smiles. ]
Nah, like I said - I kind of needed a break from Ronaldo, I think. [ her expression narrows then, thoughtfully and maybe a little concerned. ] --does that make me a bad friend? I'm not trying to be, just... [ and here she kind of just. waves. vaguely. and hopes that he'll understand what she's trying to convey. ]
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Are you seriously asking me if you're a bad friend? Come on, Sadie. [Lars rolls his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets as he leads them closer to the boardwalk.] Ronaldo's just—a lot, it ain't your fault. If memory serves, even low-key stuff can be biting off more than you can chew, with that guy. Probably even for patient people.
[Ronaldo and Lars still have a lot in common.]
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I got him to tell me some stories from when you guys were kids.
[ because even then, her thoughts circled back to him more often than they should. ]
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[Lars jumps off track a little, looking like he just got poked with a molten hot caddle-prod by Sadie.]
Don't do that! You got any idea what kinda dirt that idiot's got on me!?
[Lars slaps his hand against his face, withering comically to one side with his suspicious flexibility that enables him to be an optimized spazlord.]
Auugh, he's trying to ruin my life on purpose! Tryna make me look bad!
[Or, well. Look worse. Lars wants to GO YELL AT HIM RIGHT NOW but his need for Sadie time keeps him from doing anything crazy.]
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[ but sadie's laughing too hard to make her command sound serious, because somehow she expected him to brush it off more than anything else. she shakes her head again, pressing her hand to her mouth to stifle the sound. ]
I didn't know he had any dirt on you until right now. He mostly just talked about you two hanging out. It was sweet.
[ or, uh, would have been sweet, if ronaldo didn't dislike lars so vehemently now. ]
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Getting out of his selfish, panicked tizzy, though, Lars reflects on this information for a moment—then gives Sadie a suspicious glance, and a narrowing of his eyes.]
Kinda surprised he told you that stuff at all. Far as I know, he's not really into opening up about that—after all, no one really knew about our falling out... or our—[disgust face]—friendship.
He's got motives.
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[ and with most of sadie's friends being so far removed from beach city, she really knows how that loneliness can feel. especially with that self-imposed distance she'd established with lars. ]
People change, you know. You can't expect Ronaldo to be exactly like the guy you knew when you were both kids.
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Of course not. Whatever. All I'm saying is he's probably pretty pleased with himself.
[After all, Lars and Sadie's friendship, as far as Lars was currently concerned, was pretty much dead. She's just reaching out to Lars right now because he was having a rough night, because she was a good person. Meanwhile, Ronaldo and Sadie were getting chummy. Maybe Ronaldo didn't specifically plan for things to go this way, but as far as Lars figures, it's working out pretty fucking spectacularly for him...]
You're too nice, Sadie.
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[ people who are "too nice" don't set the mouths of the guys they like on fire.... even accidentally. but moving on. ]
I just really like people, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves a little kindness. [ she almost says "besides, someone has to balance you out, right?" but it feels wrong before she even shapes the words with her mouth. maybe it's not her right to say stuff like that right now. ]
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Anyway, having a temper doesn't make you less of a good person, y'know. That's more like—bad decisions. People've got limits, even people like you. Prolly even people like Steven.
[His own words kinda sting, though unintentionally. Sadie had run out of patience with him, but while Lars was resenting Sadie all through earlier this month, he was beginning to move past it. He was pretty sure Ronaldo had the same fate in store with her...]
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but that was enough, right? those were good enough reasons to hang with someone, weren't they?
god, would the day that she stopped overthinking everything regarding lars ever come? ]
We're here, though. Hope you know what you want on your pizza.
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[Lars feels his stomach drop kind of weirdly when they arrive at Fish Stew Pizza. He awkwardly opens the door, squinting under the florescent lights. He'd gotten a little used to the darkness.
Thankfully, neither Jenny nor Ronaldo are there...
Pretending his nerves aren't on fire, Lars approaches the counter, leaning against it. It's sardines, jalapenos, and peppers. There's no accounting for Lars's (lack of) taste.......
Then he kinda just vaguely gestures towards Sadie, glancing off with a derisive sniff that causes Kiki to raise her eyebrow. She greets Sadie warmly, with a smile to match.]
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This place smells so much better than the donut shop.
[ she inhales, sliding into the seat with a half smile at him. ]
At least the food is cooked here.
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